Total Dawn of War Randomness
by starspawn07
Summary: Random one-shots and poems. no single style. may have violence.
1. Waargh for the Skull God !

**Total Dawn of War Randomness**

K, the serious fanfic ( Daemon Hunter ) I'm working on turned out more tedious than I thought so I decided to do something random for a while.

It's not plotless. It's a way of expressing my love of violence.

I don't know what to call this kind of poem. What do you think ?

**For the Waaargh and the Blood God !**

A chaos champion and his group of cultists

conducting sacrifice in the middle of the forest.

Then crash in came an ork warboss,

Looking for something to toss.

'I got me some humies ! WAAAARRRRGH !!!'

And then he started shooting

the cultists, who started running. 'aaaaarrrrrgh !!!'

And he grabbed one in his mega-claw,

and throttled and rattled, crunched him in his jaws,

and thrwwaack ! smashed him into the ground.

Squash ! bash ! crrrrrk ! mop the soil with his head !

And then the chaos champion turned round,

"Vile Alien ! drop the worm and face me instead !"

And he raised his chain-axe, and smoke and fire erupted

And the ork threw his victim like a rag doll,

and the chaos lord grabbed it and threw it into the pit. "thanks

I mean … BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD !"

And he charged the warboss, and the latter charged him too

"I iz da biggest WAAARlord !"

And spores flew from the ork's skin, and drifted about,

Where they landed on the ground, a green fungus started to sprout,

They grew and grew until

In just a few seconds, there was a garden of gigantic sac molds.

To the chaos lord this was incredible to behold.

'So fast, how can this be ?

Is this some new technology ?"

"You'z right, humie !

It'z da new teknologee !"

And the ork stuck his claw into his fang-filled mouth,

And pulled out a book named 'Idiot's guide to making movies',

And turned to the page about 'time lapse photography',

And threw it at the Chaos lord's face,

And the latter was overcome with rage, and he went insane,

"I feel the warp overtaking me ! It's a good pain !"

And he grabbed one of the fungal sacs,

And kept wacking it with his axe.

Srrrrp ! Chop ! Prwwwaaackkk ! Rip open its skin !

And from within, emerged a frightened gretchin !

"P… please … no … more kicking !"

But the chaos lord kept hacking.

Flesh tearing ! Bones breaking ! Guts spilling ! Head rolling !

And then the warboss shouted "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!! "

And on the tops all the sac molds opened,

And all the orcs, nobs, squigs, goblins and whatevers inside awakened.

And the chaos lord saw this and thought. "Now I must also summon my daemons !"

So he grabbed a fleeing cultist ( who couldn't run fast cos he injured his tendons ),

And chopped off his limbs, and before he fell, split open his chest,

And reached in and tore out his heart, throwing out the rest.

And the chaos lord held it up

"Come servants and minions of Nurgle, Tzeentch, Slaanesh and great Khorne !

Through this blood I offer, drink and be born !"

And the heart exploded in a shower of blood, which slowly coalesced,

Into forms horrifying and grotesque !

And they stared at the orks, and then they jumped each other,

The most violent battle ever !

Claws ripping, pincers snapping, tentacles groping, bloody hair mopping …

Jaws gnashing, fists smashing, spears gashing, armour clashing

or just THRASHING !

No second thought.

With all their might the warboss and the chaos lord fought.

All the powers and weapons they could bring to bear.

Nothing left to spare.

Kustom shoota, mega blasta, dakka dakka dakka dakka !!!!!

Power claws ! Mega claws ! Supa claws ! Fang filled jaws ! chomp ! chomp ! chomp ! chomp !

Red iron gob ! The strength of da biggest nob ! stomp ! stomp ! stomp ! stomp !

"Warboss angry ! Warboss SMASH !" Who can survive the mad ork's bash ?

Possessed guns ! daemon sword ! accursed crozius ! claws of the Warmaster !

Chaos armour ! daemon gauntlets ! the undivided Chaos banner !

"Death to those who refuse to turn ! burn ! burn ! burn ! burn !

By the Blood God's will ! Kill ! Kill ! Kill ! Kill ! "

"Chaos will not be denied !"

"Orks iz da biggest and da strongest !" the greenskin replied.

Neither gave up.

And even exhausted they refused to shut up.

"WAAARGH !"

"BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD !"

"WAAARRRGGGHHH !"

"SKULLS - FOR – THE - SKULL - THRONE !"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA …

"BLOOOOOOOD FOOOOORRRR …

… AAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH"

… TTTTTHHHHHE BLOOOOOOOD GODDDDDD !"

"WAAARGH FOR THE …"

"… SKULL GOD !!!"

And as the two of them screamed each other into confusion

There was a great explosion,

And then did the sacrificial pit collapse,

And most of the orks and daemons fell in through the resulting rock gaps,

But the warboss and the chaos lord did not follow,

as they've been grabbing each other and refused to let go.

You see, the cracks weren't that wide,

To let two struggling bodies fit inside !

To the count of three they leapt back to the far sides,

Safe from the reversing chaos tides.

And laughing, the ork warboss and the chaos lord,

Together shouted, "FOR THE WAAARGH AND THE BLOOD GOD !"

…

That's all for now :)

Have a nice day/night,

Star


	2. U Know U'r Playing 2 Much DoW When

I know, this sort of thing is better posted in a Forum. No matter. Feel free to add on to the list by review or by starting your own list ;)

To all those who have finished your full-time NS ( whether you are Swiss, Taiwanese, Singaporean, New Zealander etc… ), congrats :)

To those who haven't, persevere !

To the professional soldiers, all the best and stay safe !

To all DoW and WH fans, rejoice ! Dawn of War II just came out :D

**You know you are playing too much DoW when**:

You are angry, you go "WAAARRRRGGGHHH !!!"

Or any DoW warshout

Your friend asks why you are angry and your reply is "witchcraft, HeReSy and MUTATION !"

Or any other violent DoW unit response.

You hum your favourite DoW theme song while you work

You managed to remember the theme song in the first place

You use those as motivational songs to "reduce the ability cooldown time" of your colleagues

You quote extensively from the codex

When you lisp, "that hurts !", becomes "da' urtz !"

You march with slow jerky steps, back hunched and rifle pointed down

You manage to scare your section mates by marching like that.

You call your section mates/colleagues "brother marines" or "battle sisters"

You call your commander/boss "brother captain"

Or any of the Commander titles

You are depressed, you go have dinner with a friend to speed up your "morale recovery"

When you get scolded or insulted etc, you suffer "morale damage"

Your mind is "too weary to fight on…"

You name your sledgehammer as "God-Splitter"

You name your machete/bayonet /metal ruler as "the Wailing Doom"

You call the GPMG a "heavy bolter" and your SBO a "power suit"

You want to buy a car because it looks "stompy".

You upgrade your bank account to one with a higher "requisition rate"

You paint your favourite DoW faction's icon on your car, T-shirt, room wall, PC desktop, book cover etc

Complete with that faction's most famous quote ( like the one below )

You persuade two quarrelling friends to "fight for the Greater Good"

You actually manage to persuade them

Otherwise, you try to "turn them around"

If they still won't listen, they are "an affront to the Greater Good"

You try to set that annoying Trojan/pop-up/daemon to "non-aggressive stance"

You remove the daemon with a "force halberd".

You reinstall it with a "daemon pit".

You start drawing Runes on your car, T-shirt, wall, PC desktop, book cover etc

When your friends see the Runes, they are so impressed, they get "knocked back"

You are so delighted by the wonderful art, you get a "+10 health regeneration"

You call the static discharge/generator device a "gauss blaster"

You actually managed to construct a "gauss blaster"

Or any of the DoW weapons

You go about testing out those weapons

You call your lazy friend a heretic.

In a crowded place, you always look for "heavy cover"

There's a black out, you go look for the "Energy Core"

You can't find the core, so you search for the "plasma generator"

You don't like walking, you prefer using the "Webway"

You subscribe to the YogaMeditation channel on Youtube so you can learn how to "smite" people or do an Eldritch Storm etc

You actually discovered how to do that

Your room is in a mess, your sister/mother says you haven't been tidying it up,

But actually you were trying to summon a _Chaos_ God

You catch some bugs and sacrifice them to said Chaos God

On special occasions you go around taking down flags and replacing them with your own

You make your own DoW strat guide

Which contains things even the guys at Relic don't know about

DoW went _above_ your Windows Start program list

You try making a mod of every installment in the DoW series

You make a lot of mods

You download a lot of DoW mods

The game is starting to look like a grindfest to you

You can't wait to get DoW II

You write a fanfic called "Total Dawn of War Randomness"

You want to make a list of signs that people are playing too much DoW

You are reading this and you know what I am talking about

( you have a lot more to add to this list )

Of course, only some of those points apply to me. I added the rest just for fun :)

Star


	3. Songs from the Spheres

**Return of the Old Ones**

I am intending to do a Lovecraft x Warhammer40K fanfic. Here's a short not-so-serious "pilot".

The songs used below are "Carol of the Old Ones" and "Awake ye Scary Great Old Ones" by the H.P Lovecraft Historical Society. You can find them on Youtube ;)

**Songs from the Spheres**

Are you looking into the mysteries of the Universe ?

No need to hurry. There is no point.

No matter how much you uncover, the Unknown Beyond remains.

Oh, we don't expect you to believe us, just listen …

The greatest entity we know is Mother Void,

From her everything is born, and into her everything returns when they die.

Universes, clusters, galaxies, stars, worlds … endless cosmic cycles of creation and destruction with no beginning, end or pattern discernible.

Beautiful isn't it. I know you think so. You have just drawn closer. Curious like the rest of your kind, always yearning to taste new and ever more exciting delights, but loathe to admit it.

No need to be shy. Here there are no boundaries, no obligations to adhere to one Path.

The universe has no boundaries. The latter are but reflections of our own limitations.

At the beginning of its cycle, this Universe awoke, and like thoughts in the Universal mind, all the primal matter that constitutes its physical realms somehow came into existence, and began moving, shaping, gas to fluids, fluids to rocks … a work that has continued till the Materium has become what it is now.

And where there is light, there is shadow.

The Immaterium, folded into the fabric of the Materium, yet also distinct, like the subconscious beneath the ego of the Universal mind, the shadow it cast into Mother Void by virtue of its existence.

Through spontaneous order the first living beings emerged, Star Spirits that roamed the Materium, and Daemons that swam the Immaterium. Of course they were not intelligent by your standards. They were but formless entities driven by primal emotions, feeding on what energy they could find.

And then eventually, organic life appeared. We were certainly not the first conscious beings, but were the first to leave our star system and explore the galaxy, through a method you may dimly remember.

It began when we encountered our first daemon. Our burgeoning psychic abilities had drawn their attention and caused them to surface into the material universe.

Oh, they were tough, adaptable organisms ! but nothing like the fierce Warp-spawned monsters you see now. They appeared to us as mindless, barely visible polyps drifting through space and air, seeking after sources of spiritual energy. We found a way to capture them, and study them, as we did the other creatures we had encountered.

Through them we learned of the existence of the Immaterium, its connection to minds of living things. What marvels we could achieve with such knowledge ! And marvels we did achieve.

We could shape our environments, even ourselves, to our will.

We went places that were previously beyond our reach, and everywhere we went, we were received by the native species with awe. "The Great Old Ones have come down from the Beyond!" their minds would cry.

When one is in awe of another's power, it feels the desire to have that power. And the one who possesses that power would be reluctant to share it, even if it could possibly save the receiving species from extinction.

Could we have found a cure for the Ailing Ones' illness, thereby averting the First War, and all the disasters that followed ?

No, we could not have known then.

How could we have known … that just as we learned our magic from primitive daemons, the Ailing Ones made a pact with the star spirits, the daemons' Material counterparts, and thus gained the power to oppose us ?

What had appeared to us as harmless energy beings, now became the revered, and frightful gods of the army of the Deathless Ones.

A relentless, remorseless, vengeful army ! Our attempts at negotiations failed, for the Star Gods had taken the souls of their worshippers, and the Deathless Ones no longer listened to reason.

We were powerful, yet we were also few in number. Against the Deathless Ones' terrifying onslaught, we did the nearest thing we could think of.

Yes, you remember your lore well.

That was when we made you.

You were our greatest work of art … perfect in every way … so we thought.

Where there is light, there is shadow !

We thought we knew, the moment the Enslavers emerged from an Immaterium Warped by the increased psychic noise, what plans the Universal Mind had in store for us.

Had we engineered our own destruction ?

No, we are still here.

Where are we ?

Of course, you cannot find us. How much of the universe do you know ?

Hmmm, but there is one thing you know. You have seen it …

Now ...

_Look to the sky, Way up on high,_

_We're in the night, Stars are now right !_

_Eons have passed, Now then at last !_

_Prison walls break !_

_We shall awake !_

_We will return !_

_Mortals will learn, new kinds of fear !_

_when we are here !_

_We will reclaim, all in our name !_

_Hopes turn to black, when we come back !_

_Ignorant fools ! Mortals now rule, where we ruled then._

_It's ours again !_

_STARS BURNING BRIGHTLY, BOILING and churning - bode a returning season of doom !_

_We will, we will, we WILL Promise !_

_Behold, unbreakable Promise !_

_Up from the Sea, from Underground, down from the sky, we're all around !_

_MADNESS WILL REIGN !_

_TERROR AND PAIN !_

_WOES WITHOUT END !_

_WHERE WE EXTEND ! ..._

**WEEE WILLL RETURRRN !!!**

...

The Farseer awoke from her meditation with a start, and gasped.

Gradually, her breathing slowed to a more relaxed pace and she wiped the slight moisture from her forehead with the back of her hand.

When she brought it down and looked at it under the dim blue light she saw that it was trembling. When that subsided as well, she closed her eyes again, and tried to recall what it was she had just seen and heard that so terrified her.

Why was it terrifying ? Faint impressions of a revelation that was at once familiar and alien. What revelation ?

Try as she might, she could not remember, not exactly.

_We will return … _

Again, that lingering yet unnameable fear sent another chill up her spine. None of her prophetic visions or psychic communications had induced this kind of feeling in her. This was something … raw … primal.

"A night terror. I must have fallen half asleep while meditating." She told herself. "It will go away soon." She shook her head and stood up from her lotus position, gathering up the tablets and manuscripts that were scattered on the smooth bone-white floor, including one that had the title "The War in Heaven" inscribed in Eldar Runes.

...

From behind one of the skeletal, leafless trees in the mist-shrouded forest, the Grey Knight peered unnoticed into the clearing before him.

In the middle of the clearing was a summoning pit. Just like any other summoning pit constructed by the heretics. And around this edifice was a crowd of cultists, apparently trying to summon a daemon, just like any other minion of Chaos would do.

And yet the stealthy Daemon Hunter could not help but feel that something was not quite right about this group of cultists.

And then he heard it.

At first it was just the movement of the cultists' arms. Something was off about the way they were carrying out their ritual. What was it about that pattern …

As the gestures became more vigorous, he realized, there was no pattern.

These cultists had been taken by an undescribable madness.

Not the Chaos-induced madness that the agents of the Ordo Malleus were familiar with, but something beyond, drawing the subconscious urges and fears of these cultists to the surface and expressing them in ways that disturbed even the brave Daemon Hunter as he looked on.

They convulsed, writhed, howled, gargled, and eventually their dreadful chant reached his genetically enhanced ears.

_Awake ye scary Great Olde Ones, let everything dismay._

_Remember Great Lord Kroak shall rise up from the dead,_

_To kill us all with Tentacles if we should go his way._

_Oh tiding of madness and woe,_

_Madness and woe_

_Oh tiding of madness and woe_

_In the time long before ours the Great Old Ones were spawned._

_Imprisoned by their own children, waiting through long eons._

_Enticing mortals to release them, chanting dreadful songs ..._

_And know this__: that is not dead which can eternal lie,_

_And in strange eons you will fing that even death may die._

_The Great Old Ones will rule once more and all will be destroyed!_

_Oh tiding of madness and woe,_

_Madness and woe_

_OH TIDINGS OF MADNESS AND WOE !!!_

…

The next thing that the Grey Knight remembered, he was running through the forest as fast as his legs could carry him.

Yes, he was running back to base.

What was he running away from ?

What did he see after hearing that blasphemous song ?

Now, back in his quarters, he began running through his memories carefully.

_All will be destroyed_

A great dark silhouette loomed over him in his mind's eye, and he shivered uncontrollably from a sudden sense of dread that threatened to overwhelm him.

Instinctively, he took a deep shaky breath and tried to clear his mind, letting the approaching horror sink back into the fog of his subconscious, together with whatever memories he was searching for.

He sighed. It was probably best that he let this rest until he could get the help of some other psykers. He had never encountered such a condition before, and it would probably be some time before his colleagues figured it out as well. After all, even psykers themselves are not sure how psychic abilities came to be …


End file.
